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- Join
MIT.
-
Assemble your title from the previous conference buzzwords.
-
Discover a deep result implicit in early work of the technical program
chair indicating their prescience.
- Become
a reviewer and reject all other papers in areas close to your own.
- Have an
influential list of authors, some of whom are big-shots.
- Re-submit a paper without
any changes.
- Include
the potentially most risky reviewers as authors; they can be removed after
the paper was accepted.
- Cite the most famous work
of the program chair even if it is not related to your work.
-
Kernelise an existing linear algorithm that has not yet been kernelised
(becoming difficult as most have been done).
- Adhere
to the page limits making use of the available tools.
- It is well
known that the probability of acceptance increases the closer your
submission time is to the deadline. What is less well know is that the
probability can continue to increase past the deadline. There are two
approaches:
- Manual Excuses
- Submit the paper
format instructions instead of your actual paper.
- Submit a version of
the paper that is clearly incomplete and hope the program chair
will kindly ask you whether you submitted the right version.
- Advanced Technical
means
The above excuses are not guaranteed to work, because the
program chair may suspect you are deliberately tricking him. Never
fear, the JMLG extreme programming team has developed
PDPCP (Plausibly
Deniable Paper Corruption Program) which will subtlety change the
PDF file of your paper to make it unreadable and unprintable, or,
for higher credibility, make the particular pages you have not
finished unreadable.
- Write a
clear concise paper that properly addresses an important and relevant
problem.
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